The life of a Goomba

Posted by Chris Spags on April 13th, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Okay I feel like I’ve been covering Mario a lot lately given the fact that the asshole has been around for like 25 years but this video is freaking awesome and brilliant in its dystopic simplicity.

Point: Being a Goomba sucks. Unless they have really good wages and a great insurance package because, even in a recession, this job kind of blows.

If it’s any solace to the Goombas out there reading this, if real Mario is like me, he’ll get bored of jumping on everyone’s head and just start to race through the level. I’m something of a pacifist whenever I’ve played Mario. I just want to survive and get some sweet royal poontang for my mustachioed Italian man. It wasn’t about the murder to me. It never was. Unless you’re one of those stupid beetle things wearing a football helmet, whatever they’re called. They know what they did. When you see one beetle thing in a football helmet drunkenly throw his whiskey bottle at you after sleeping with your mom, you never forget. No matter how many coins and magic mushrooms he leaves behind.

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Chris Spags "Internet Heartthrob" Chris Spags is a former comic and the founding editor of Guyism.com. In addition to overseeing all Guyism content and business development, he covers Humor for the site daily. He was recognized on the street once and it was awesome.