Microwaves are good because they provide nourishment in the form of Hot Pockets to the sector of society that’s completely given up on life. But this microwave has evil intentions.

Plus, based on my experience with multiple microwaves, if you set it to an automatic setting, the food will come out overcooked and rubbery. If I’m going to cook a baby, I want it to be fresh and juicy. Unless I’ve become so cynical about eating babies that I just pop them into the microwave on the go. It’s so depressing when you take for granted things that once meant so much to you. Like recreational heroin use or eating babies. You know, the simple things.









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