This is some lovers' quarrel
Or is it “lover’s quarrel”? I don’t know offhand, but either way, I can’t imagine that this little fracas in the street began in any sort of innocent way.

There has never been a situation in which a person has found themselves outside, pantsless, in a garter belt, wielding a pipe of some sort and has had the situation end well. In fact, I would say that that particular scenario has the highest likelihood of ending poorly out of any possible fictional scenario, within the realm of possibility, that you can conjure up. Unless you have a very specific, and chilly, fetish.

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