This is what your dad pole-dancing would look like

Or, more appropriately, your creepy uncle attempting to seduce you through the magic of sensual dance.

Old guys are gross. That’s why it always kind of skeezes me out to see a hot chick with some old guy and you’re like, “Come on, I know you’re just with him for the money,” and she’s like “Nooo really I love old balls that look like they’re made out of rotting silly putty.” Women will tell you all sorts of sweet nothings about your balls just to lure you into their tangled web. Seriously. You can read all about it in my book, “The Things Women Will Say About Your Balls to Lure You Into Their Tangled Web (And Cooking Recipes)”. I don’t expect it to sell many copies but the people who buy it are really going to care a lot about those two topics.

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