This kid takes prom seriously

Chris Spags Founder and Editor

High school is a great time in a man’s life, especially today when the girls are easy and still require about as much romantic effort as I require to pleasure myself (basically just kind of being there and not causing hemorrhaging). But this kid is ruining it for everyone with his unnecessary teenage romantic efforts.

45482376 This kid takes prom seriously

As students streamed out of Allentown’s Central Catholic High School at dismissal today, girls shrieked and giggled when they spotted Emmaus High School junior Zach Heffelfinger. He was holding a dozen roses in each hand.

In between was a huge, hand-made sign: “Adriana Nikles, will you go to the prom with me?”

By the time the object of his affection stepped out of the door, a contingent of grinning students were milling around 17-year-old Zach.

One look at the sign, and all sophomore Adriana could do was throw her arms around Zach’s neck and say “Yes, I will.” Zach’s romantic surprise began earlier in the day when he got Adriana’s friends to plant puzzle pieces around the school fit to form the word “PROM?”

Sixteen-year-old Adriana got the first puzzle piece in Spanish class and found the second one in her locker. Pieces appeared in her classes throughout the day.

“I knew it had to be him,” she said.

This is unbelievable. It’s like providing a plate, salad forks, and seven types of well-aged wine to eat a dinner of Chicken McNuggets and chewed bubblegum. But of course, this one-upping asshole is doing even more next year.

As the couple started discussing plans for the Emmaus prom on May 2, Zach warned, “Wait until the senior prom, it’s going to be even bigger than this, maybe a parade or circus.”

“Oh my God!” said Adriana.

I can’t wait for him to get his stupid little heart broken when she inevitably sucks off the first frat guy she meets. There comes an important crossroads in every man’s life where he can continue to be idealistic about love and want to do amazing things for every woman or come to the logical realization that women typically only deserve a croissantwich and a walk to the bus station.

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