This cat is up to no good

A cat is baffling his owner by wandering off at night before expecting to be collected by car every morning at exactly the same time and place.

Sgt Podge, a Norwegian Forest Cat, disappears from his owner’s home in Talbot Woods, Bournemouth, every night.

The next morning, the 12-year-old cat can always be found in exactly the same place, on a pavement about one and a half miles (2.4km) away.

She does not know why, after 12 years, Sgt Podge has begun the routine but explained that another woman who lived nearby used to feed him sardines, and that he may be on the look-out for more treats.

Sgt Podge hasn’t been the same since he returned from the Iraqi war. There are some things you just can’t unsee.

But maybe he is getting treats. Delicious treats. Treats from prostitutes with big backs, whom he pays, then murders violently. You’d be amazed at the kind of things that get Sgt Podge off. He loves to f*ck the slit open throats of the transvestite beasts that he solicits off the street. Then he likes to roll around in catnip. Because he’s still a simple cat inside. A simple cat that’s been pushed too far. Or so he’d like to believe.

Thanks to tipster Sulin, who moonlights as an assassin in her free time

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now: