This is why Brazilians can't have nice things

Just when you think everything’s going well this holiday season, something absurd happens. Like Santa’s helicopter being shot down over Brazil.

Not even Santa Claus is safe as the violent Brazilian city of Rio de Janeiro celebrates the Christmas season.

Drug traffickers in a Rio slum opened fire on a helicopter carrying a Santa to a children’s party, apparently mistaking it for a police helicopter, police said Tuesday.

“They thought it was a police operation and started shooting. Luckily, nobody was hurt,” a police official said.

The helicopter had to return to its base after the attack. Two bullet holes were found in its fuselage.

Brazil’s a pretty screwed up place. In general, I’d say anywhere with rainforests is probably to be avoided. Movies have led me to believe that where there are rainforests, there are machetes. And brown dudes wielding those machetes. I’m not biased or anything, but I think that brown dudes with machetes are probably at least as likely to chop me up as a white dude in a hockey mask wielding a machete. The Brazilians could probably be in suits, but they’d still have some sort of inclination to chop me up and sell my kidney in front of their brightly colored, mango-flavored buildings.

Oh yeah, anyway, Santa’s not giving you anything for Christmas because he’s being held captive by some dirty Brazilian savages that look like Blanka from Street Fighter. Sucks.

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