Tighten your grip if you want a job

Did you not know that handshakes were important to people determining your value as a human being? Well, you suck. Because everyone knows that. But there’s an article about it.

If you’re seeking employment, get a grip. A firm handshake is key to landing a job.

In a new study, scientists put 98 students through mock job interviews with businesspeople. The students also met with trained handshake raters who, unbeknownst to the students, rated their grips. Separately, the businesspeople graded each student’s overall performance and hireability. The two group’s scores were then compared.

Students who got high handshake marks were also rated most hireable.

“We’ve always heard that interviewers make up their mind about a person in the first two or three minutes of an interview, no matter how long the interview lasts,” said study leader Greg Stewart, associate professor of management and organizations at the University of Iowa. “We found that the first impression begins with a handshake that sets the tone for the rest of the interview.”

Well I guess if you want to be “conventional” then sure you can just give a nice firm handshake. Or you could do it The Chris Way and demand that, after a successful interview, your prospective employer leap into the air and give you a chest bump like you’re a mid-90s New York Knicks basketball team. Even if the interviewer is a woman. And then, if she is, you’re totally allowed to linger on her chest a little longer. She knows what she got herself into.

I also advocate a tight grip when giving handjobs to potential employers. Keep that one under your hat. *touches nose

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now: