Top 10 most annoying sports fandoms
Douglas Charles by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool.com
10. J-E-T-S- JETS JETS JETS Fan. From the sexual harassment of women who happen to walk out of the wrong gate to the annual fudge loss that is your act at the NFL Draft, this is a fandom that’s just unfortunate on many levels. The only reason they don’t rank higher is that I’m taking pity on them, trying to trade in those FAVRE jerseys for SANCHEZ. (And oh, Jets Fan? You might want to go for a different player and position. The track record of underclassmen QBs ain’t pretty, and your new short-term personal savior did go to the same school as Matt Leinart and Rob Johnson.)
9. Cub Cryers. Yes, the Cubs will probably win the World Series in our lifetime; they certainly do spend enough money on salaries, and it’s not like this is an era where only dynasties win; when the White Sox, Red Sox, Phillies, Marlins and Diamondbacks all have parades, it doesn’t seem too unlikely that the Cubs will get one, too. But this fan base is so ready to wear the hair shirt and take pride in the suffering that maybe it’ll continue. On some level, I almost hope it does, just because I’m sure that deep down, they’re happier losing.
8. Giant Achievers. The worst team in baseball in terms of position player development owns the Bay Area not because of the actual results on the field, but because their park is purty and Barry Bonds was so very misunderstood. There’s a reason why the team (a) hasn’t won a World Series since moving west, and (b) their karma is completely screwed for the next 50 years, too. But hey, enjoy those Bondsian memories!
7. Eagles Idiots. People talk about the Santa moment, or the Michael Irvin crippling, but if you really want to make us — and yes, it’s an us, it’s my laundry too — feel boner shame, bring up the flare gun MNF incident. Or, and this is the really shameful part, the fact that the Vet’s home-field advantage has gone to hell, because the truly anti-social people have been priced out, along with the murderous Astroturf. (If you ever find yourself with just an hour left to live, spend it listening to sports talk radio from the town. You’ll be more than ready to go the next world by the end of it.)
6. Duke’s Cameron Creeps. Don’t kid yourselves, you children of privilege; the only thing that makes UNC winning at all tolerable is because every time they win, we know that you cry yourselves to sleep on your Bobby Hurley pillows. Have your staff comment in outrage about this, do.
5. Notre Dame Domers. The Duke of college football, and once again, a school that won’t have to worry about fans as soon as NBC goes to something with more relevance to the top level. I hear Rutgers is available.
4. Lake Show Viewers. Plastic people, whoa baby, you gotta go now. When you sell out for the worst personality among superstars in the NBA — seriously, you do remember that Kobe Bryant is an alleged rapist, admitted adulterer and repeat playoff quitter, don’t you? — and spend most of your games sitting on your hands… well, let’s just say that America has spent a good amount of time this playoff trying to forget that Shane Battier went to Duke.
3. Cowboy Backers. How ’bout them utterly regrettable reprobates? The best thing about Cowboy Fan is how many of them aren’t actually from Texas, but just chose them because they were good when they were kids. Luckily, given the team’s lack of playoff wins this millennium, this phenomenon will stop in our lifetime.
2. Yankee Universe. Just another three or four decades until you folks become lovable. Well, OK, probably not. And hey, congrats on that new ballpark of yours. I hear good seats are still available!
1. Red Sox Nation. It was a long, hard slog for you folks to get to the top spot, but you’ve earned it with your utter myopia, your need for the rest of us to engage in Stockholm Syndrome when you play the Yankees, and your over-the-top reaction whenever your team doesn’t win. Trust us when we say: we’re just not that into you, but we are enjoying your over-the-top rationalizations over ManRam’s steroid use, and the sudden and shocking collapse of David Ortiz in an era with enhanced drug testing. Go Jays and Rays!
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