Top 10 tips to get cheap heat from sports fans

Douglas Charles Managing Editor

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool.com

they+hate+me,+they+really+hate+me Top 10 tips to get cheap heat from sports fansMy fellow Blogfricans… do you long for the big traffic numbers that only hate can bring? Just follow these simple rules of thumb and watch the clicks come in. Angry, angry clicks. You might want to turn off public comments for a while.

10) Icon Attack. Find a beloved figure from one of the bigger sports towns, then use a dubious cross-section of statistics and invective to argue that the idolized player is the worst sin of the 21st century — overrated. If you’re lucky, it will get linked from Web sites that are attached to the laundry, and you’ll get land-rush traffic to tell you how much of an ass you are. Good times!

9) Homer J. Homer. Defend your personal laundry fetish, all while steadfastly refusing any possibility that you’re a shameless shill. Bonus points if you can casually insult all of your laundry’s historical rivals.

8) Roastmaster. Load up on the geographic insults, because everyone knows that sports fans are wildly different from city to city, and any instance of ugly and/or drunken behavior is unique to one city. This one makes its own sauce.

7) Unfounded Roid Rumor. This one used to have more punch, especially back when people didn’t realize that every athlete should be presumed juicing until proven innocent. But it still can get you some good tut-tutting from print media types who are convinced that Blogfrica means the world is going to hell in a handbasket. Bonus points if your libel target is particularly non-muscled.

6) Bait The Geeks. Nothing plays quite so well as insulting anyone that would dare to use their interest for the game to indulge in any kind of statistical use that didn’t exist 40 years ago, because that just makes them pointy-headed nerds. Let your ignorance pay off.

5) Slag A Skank. Come out firing on the merits of a commonly loved piece of Blogfrican Poon, because celebs like Alyssa Milano, Danica Patrick and Erin Andrews all read comments boards to find their best defender.

4) Blog On Blog Violence. Why get nasty on an athlete or team, when you can specifically rank on a Web site with tons of commenters who can be goaded? The trick here is to have a mole inside the targeted site, so that your attack makes the radar.

3) Look At Me! I’m Tasteless! Can you win the race to the bottom that is conscience-free content? Find a taboo and violate it for all you are worth, you Dangerous Blogger, you. Anyone who doesn’t think it’s funny clearly isn’t as cool as you.

2) Paparazzi Photoshop. Do you have the skills and moral crapitude to modify images to create scenes of true libel? Well, sleaze your way down to the worst of all worlds and make with the debasement. If you do this really well, you could ruin a life and your own credit rating, so go nuts!

1) Write lists. C’mon, everyone hates these things. Write your own!

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