Top 10 train wrecks that I want to see in a so bad it’s good SportsCenter competitor

Posted by Douglas Charles on May 13th, 2009 at 6:30 am

It’s easy to say who the worst mouth jobbers who are, you know, working. But how about the folks that could bring the historical pain, preferably in an ESPN-challenging show where all parties will be convinced that their special brand of wonderfulness will be the reason why the show will win? That’s a show we’d all watch. And by we, I mean sports bloggers.

10) Emmit Smith. In the words of Pancho Villa, “Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” The mere mention of his name still makes Steve Young shake.

9) Randall Cunningham. Many people don’t remember this, but the ex-Eagles great had a brief but memorable run on TNT commenting on NFL games that the Internets have not seen fit to include. Damn you, Internets!

8) Jayson Williams. Hey, let’s give the man something to live for. Besides, he brings his own shotgun. That’s got to count for something.

7) O. J. Simpson. Yes, I know (finally) doing time. But doesn’t that just mean he’s more open to speak freely and say something spectacular? I think it does. And hey, is it any more objectionable than letting Matt Millen on television?

6) John Madden. Just so long as we don’t have him talk about football. Because, really, nothing’s better than listening to an old man tell us he doesn’t know stuff. I’d also make him eat during telecasts.

5) Stephen A. Smith. Our trainwreck show needs VOLUME, and QUITE FRANKLY, no one says nothing with more ferocity than the man, the myth, the legend. Everything he says is important!

4) Rod Benson. Who? Why, just the best story in D-League history, which means he’s more than available for the gig. (What, you don’t know the D-League? Come on, you got to know the D-League.)

3) Hawk Harrelson. Just because the entire nation deserves to hear how wonderful the White Sox are. In an industry of truly regrettable homers, the Hawk might be the most annoying of the lot.

2) Howard Eskin. Oh, hell, I did find a more annoying homer. Philly Fan tends to get a raw deal from the national media — honestly, there’s nothing in this town that you won’t also see in other hardscrabble cities with bad memories, like Cleveland, Buffalo, Detroit, and they are significantly less irritating then the spoiled souls of Boston, New York and LA — but the fact that this man has cashed a check for talking about sports for decades now is the single best reason why the town does deserve what it gets.

1) Brian Collins. He’s my anchor, my hope, my reason for being, but only if he hasn’t gotten any better than this. And if he has, forget it, kid.

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now:

Douglas Charles Douglas Charles, aka "DC Scrap," is the managing editor of Guyism.com. His experience includes operating an assortment sports and entertainment Web sites over the past decade, but his specialty is discovering sexy women from all over the world that he knows he will never have a chance with, let alone meet - a quality he shares with 99.99% of his readers.