Top 11 consolations for Laker haters

Posted by Douglas Charles on June 15th, 2009 at 6:30 am

11) Luke Walton will hear hours of commentary from his father over how his role for a world champion was more important

10) Due to free agency concerns for several key players, the Lakers (probably) won’t repeat, which means this is going to be one of those single year “Asterisk” champions

9) There’s stoned, there’s highly stoned, and there’s the unspeakable ganjathon that will be the next three months of Lamar Odom’s life

8) Now that Kobe Bryant has his own Shaq-Free Ring, he’s sure to rape again

7) Shaq will now learn what Kobe’s ass tastes like, which is only fair, really

6) If you really hate Los Angeles, you want them to win for the riots

5) Sasha Vujacic’s ring will give him the self-esteem boost he needs to stop being such an unspeakable douchebag

4) Adam Morrison has one more championship ring than any number of players (Allen Iverson, Karl Malone, John Stockton, Charles Barkley, Gary Payton, etc.) you also probably hate

3) If the Lakers had lost, Derek Fisher’s daughter would have had a relapse

2) Trevor Ariza’s Finals is going to cost the Lakers a ferocious amount of money, and once he gets paid, he’s going to think he needs touches

1) By passing Red Auerbach for most championships as a coach, Phil Jackson has (a) taken a Celtic out of the record books, and (b) lost the only non-financial motivation to continue coaching

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Douglas Charles Douglas Charles, aka "DC Scrap," is the managing editor of Guyism.com. His experience includes operating an assortment sports and entertainment Web sites over the past decade, but his specialty is discovering sexy women from all over the world that he knows he will never have a chance with, let alone meet - a quality he shares with 99.99% of his readers.