June 24, 2009 9:46 pm

Top 11 ramifications of the US soccer team’s upset win over Spain

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11) Spanish people to take furious and bitter nap

10) Spain now has to send troops to Iraq and Afghanistan

9) US can continue to occupy Puerto Rico and Guam

8) All 63 serious US soccer fans get that adorable “We’ve turned the corner” delusion they get every few years

7) Casual US sports fans might stop thinking that Bender Beckham guy with the abs plays for the team

6) Rest of world forgives us for everything, because the Spaniards are, secretly, just that annoying

5) US tourists in Madrid and Barcelona to eat 43% more waitstaff spit

4) US tapas-style restaurants dealt final crushing blow

3) Alexei Lalas gets to eat in the ESPN cafeteria for a few more days, rather than just work there

2) Desperate US sports fans and bloggers find something else to think about during the dreaded Just Freaking Baseball season

1) The bulls in Pamplona get injections of speed and steriods before next month’s special “American Fratboy Run”

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