Top 11 things I’ve learned from watching the NBA Playoffs on TNT

Posted by Douglas Charles on April 23rd, 2009 at 6:30 am

11. Jada Pinkett Smith will be on “as you’ve never seen her before,” which I can only assume means full frontal, double penetration, and with animals

10. If I don’t hear that Kyra Sedgwick *is* The Closer at least five times every hour, I might forget, and then I’d never know that The Closer seems to be the job description for a woman with rhino lips that should never, ever be seen on HDTV

9. Chris Webber needs to do jail time if he ever wants to have any respect on set

8. Stephen Bochco is still alive, which is good, I guess

7. That unfortunate black minstrel show that we hated during the MLB playoffs is still on the air

6. Frank TV is not, for which we can only conclude that the Obama Administration’s restrictions on tortue are taking effect

5. No matter how many jobs he stinks at, PJ Carlessimmo will always get paid to do something relating to the NBA, as part of his life-long payday for not suing everyone over the Latrell Sprewell assault

4. It really doesn’t matter which network has the telecast, in regards to camera work, because basketball just doesn’t have that many angles, space and quality celebrity poon to overtax a camera crew

3. One day, someone will out Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith as the great forbidden love story of our time

2. When someone tells you that their work is “very funny” and that “we know drama”, you are correct in assuming that there is more than a hint of desperate insecurity in those statements

1. You’re still happier watching the games here than on The World Wide Lemur, simply because Ernie Johnson doesn’t make you blind with hatred the way Stuart Scott does

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now:

Douglas Charles Douglas Charles, aka "DC Scrap," is the managing editor of Guyism.com. His experience includes operating an assortment sports and entertainment Web sites over the past decade, but his specialty is discovering sexy women from all over the world that he knows he will never have a chance with, let alone meet - a quality he shares with 99.99% of his readers.