Top 12 signs your MLB team is having more than a slow start

Posted by Douglas Charles on May 1st, 2009 at 12:53 am

12) Beat reporters from the local newspaper feel comparatively secure in their jobs

11) Your bullpen leads every fantasy baseball transaction column

10) The announcers are talking up the simple joys of going to see the organization’s minor league teams, where all of that pesky winning and losing doesn’t matter so much

9) The fans are pinning their hopes on pitchers who were not good enough to make the Opening Day roster

8) Seat prices are being drastically cut, even on seats that don’t come with their own waiters, concubines, and thousand-dollar foul balls

7) The hope now for your big off-season acquisition is that he starts hitting in time to save his fire sale mid-season trade value

6) No one is replying to your “Hey, who wants to go to the game with me?” emails, phone calls, and suicide notes

5) The club’s move to not start the arbitration eligibility clock on its top talent is looking sadly wise

4) The bullpen is already showing signs of overwork

3) Fans who say that Star Player is “just a slow starter” are being pelted with rocks and garbage

2) Livan Hernandez is involved, and he’s a comparative bright spot

1) Road Fan is being courted to the point where your team changes the colors and plays the rally organ during their at-bats

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Douglas Charles Douglas Charles, aka "DC Scrap," is the managing editor of Guyism.com. His experience includes operating an assortment sports and entertainment Web sites over the past decade, but his specialty is discovering sexy women from all over the world that he knows he will never have a chance with, let alone meet - a quality he shares with 99.99% of his readers.