Top 12 things I’ve learned from Anonymous commenters

Posted by Douglas Charles on April 29th, 2009 at 6:30 am

Yesterday was a really great day for me as a blogger. The site had a lot of traffic from a variety of links, and was even mentioned on ESPN’s “SportsCenter” during their “Blog Buzz” segment, with the poor announcer cracking up over the name. (You can see the mention starting about 40 seconds left in the clip.)

Coin was made. Jollies were had. My friends and family were impressed. Some new Blogfrican connections were made. Life Was Really Good.

Every one of my fellow sports bloggers knows what happened next, right?

Yep, anonymous trolls telling me how much I suck.

Let’s just say, after 2+ years and 2,000+ posts, it didn’t come as much of a surprise.

So this one goes out to all of my friends in in the biz, or for anyone who doubts that Mo’ Traffice Means Mo’ Haters. Life lessons from the Worst Blog Ever crowd!

12) Lists are not worthy of their time, and yet will still be read

11) A failure to satisfy an anonymous commenter with a post is indicative not of their personal taste or an editorial decision they don’t agree with, but your entire failed existence

10) Some random commenter is the final arbiter on What Is Funny And What Is (So) Not

9) If a blog doesn’t have very many comments, it means the anonymous troll is right about everything

8) The troll wouldn’t waste their time telling you how much you suck if (a) you didn’t suck so much more than anything that has ever sucked, and (b) they weren’t so brilliant at their job that they had oodles of free time

7) Any traffic or link you receive should have gone instead to another, far superior blog

6) Like the crabs, you only get them when your popularity gets a sudden spike

5) They are fearless truth-telling men (always men) who let the world know what’s right and what’s wrong, because with great insight comes great responsibility (oh, crap, that’s actually what bloggers think, too)

4) They have never and will never lose an argument, because the last word is always theirs, assuming they can keep posting

3) Their stereotyped beliefs about you are accurate; your stereotyped views about them are not

2) Despite the fact that you are getting paid, their opinion is much more important

1) This list also sucks

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Douglas Charles Douglas Charles, aka "DC Scrap," is the managing editor of Guyism.com. His experience includes operating an assortment sports and entertainment Web sites over the past decade, but his specialty is discovering sexy women from all over the world that he knows he will never have a chance with, let alone meet - a quality he shares with 99.99% of his readers.