Watch out for…dick monsters?

Chris Spags Founder and Editor

I don’t know if it’s because I grew up and live in the city, but lakes can be absolutely terrifying. Jason from Friday the 13th came out of a lake. So did, uh, Pol Pot (or I can’t think of a second one, f you). Well, now you have to also worry about penis monsters with tentacles.

223020107 e2672f3766 o Watch out for...dick monsters?

If I saw a penis monster complete with balls grabbing at me with tentacles while I’m just trying to chill out in my bikini, I would f’ing cry. Then I’d probably have to fellate it which would be difficult because I have a gag reflex and also hate the taste of lake water. I also assume the jizm coming from a sea monster cock and balls would not be the most delicious thing I’ve ever come across. But then again, what if it was and I just wanted to slurp it up all day? Looks like we all just learned a lesson about pre-judging someone.

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