What a depressing child aspiration

Kids often say they want to be astronauts or witch doctors or whatever when asked what they want to be when they grow up. So let’s reward this little girl’s creativity in her dream.

I can really relate to this girl’s desire to be Colonel Sanders. He’s confident, provides joy and obesity to millions, and he totally owned slaves. If you give him some Just for Men hair coloring, he’ll have it all.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a functioning alcoholic. They always say that the best role model you can have is your father. Or, in my case, the parade of men who’d often call me “son” before going into my mom’s room and making loud noises. Even to this day, whenever I hear a porn whore say “Cum all over my face,” I get the impulse to play with my Ghostbusters action figures and pretend I’m in outer space. It’s like a Pavlovian response, only instead of salivating, it’s a mixture of shame and confusing arousal.

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