WHOREDIDDLIN DAY THREE: Welcome our new blind Black overlord

Now that sex-fiend Eliot Spitzer is retiring, we get to meet his replacement. Introducing David Paterson. He’s Black, he’s blind, and he’s ready for action!

Because the public schools in New York City could not guarantee him an education without placing him in special education classes, his parents bought a house in Hempstead, on Long Island, where he became the first legally disabled person to attend the district’s public schools. He did well enough to be admitted to Columbia University — he graduated in 1977 with a degree in history — and Hofstra Law School.

Call me crazy, but I think he’s the first blind Black dude to do a lot of stuff. All the other blind Black dudes I know play piano or are dead and played piano. So yeah, I get it, he’s unique.

His impaired vision has helped make him a good listener. Aides brief him by leaving lengthy voice mail messages. He memorizes his speeches.

That’s kind of impressive. And probably makes less work for him. All it takes is blindness for me to not ever read anything again? Seems like a pretty sweet deal! Uh, other than the whole never being able to see anything or anyone you care about. That’s a bit of a drawback.

“When I say I saw something, it’s more like I sensed it,” he said in a recent interview. “I think people’s perception of me sometimes is that I see more than I actually do.”

Well…then you didn’t see it at all, did you? You’re a liar! Didn’t we just learn from the last dude? Lying’s not good! Especially a lie like being a blind guy who says you saw something! That’s horsecrap!

He and his wife, the former Michelle Paige, have a son, Alex, 13, and Mrs. Paterson has a daughter, Ashley, 19, from a previous marriage.

This is probably the part I’m most impressed with. I feel like I’d have a great bit of difficulty getting laid if I were blind. Like both in principle and in execution. I’d end up f’ing a polar bear or some crap. And believe me, you do not want to f a polar bear.

Anyway I think he’ll do a good job. I mean, not at like the Governor’s Archery Conventions, where he’ll totally get SMOKED by Charlie Crist, but he’ll probably do well at stuff like sitting there. Just so long as he doesn’t have to sign stuff, because that could pose a problem.

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