In defense of Todd Akin

Katie Nolan Editor, "Guyism Speed Round" Producer

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Hey, have you heard? Republican nominee for Senate in Missouri Todd Akin said some pretty stupid things on camera yesterday. Specifically things like “pregnancy from rape is really rare,” and “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” People are pissed, and I get that, but I also think it’s important to take a step back and try to see where the guy is coming from. I mean, he’s a part of the governing body of the United States of America, so it’s probably, really, a little bit unlikely that he’s an idiot. Kind of.

First of all; he’s got a point. Legitimate rape couldn’t possibly cause you to have a baby. The kid would be “illegitimate,” right? Which is synonymous with not real. So rape makes little imaginary ghostbabies, and obviously those are no match for the powers of the ninja uterus. That’s pretty sound logic.

Second of all, Todd Akin is a Christian man, which means he’s spent his whole life believing in something that may or may not exist. He’s never seen God, or had any interaction with him, but I bet he could tell you all about him. Now take that last sentence, replace “God” with “a vagina” (like a frat boy on a Sunday morning), and I think it’s pretty clear what happened here.

Obviously you can form your own conclusions, but keep in mind that if we keep attacking politicians every time they make a tiny error, we’re going to turn into a country that expects our leaders to do actual research before they open their mouths. AKA a country of nerds. So don’t go crying to Todd Akin when North Korea steals our lunch money shoves us in a locker.